Due to months of sleep deprivation, I am unable to write a coherent paragraph.  (It's a very good thing that it's summer, and that I don't have to go to school.)  A lot of things have happened lately, both good and bad, and I would like to tell you about them, but because of my mental fuzziness, I will have to share them in bullet-form.  Those kind of posts have always annoyed me, but here we go.

• I had coffee and ganache-covered Wacky Cake for breakfast.  This is going to be a good day.

• As of June 9th, I have been married for two years.  It feels like two weeks.

• Last week, Terry, Thomas, and I loaded up my SUV with camping gear, drove to Azel, TX, pitched a tent, and spent a week at Harmony Hill Singing School.  It.  Was.  Awesome.  The Primitive Baptist Church is unique in that they have no instruments in their worship service, but sing all hymns acapella, in four-part harmony.  The week-long singing school teaches children how to read music by using shape notes, and the adults who have mastered sight-reading sing Sacred Harp music.
  

• Levi's Curvy Jeans.  Finally, jeans that don't gap at the waist or feel like shrink-wrap on my hips.  Not to brag (too much) , but who knew that having an hourglass figure could make shopping so difficult?
  

• I cannot multi-task, but I can multi-emotion.  Things get very confusing.
  

• Thomas is amazing.  In one week, he took his first steps, learned to give kisses, learned to point at objects and people, and got his third tooth.  That boy is growing fast.  Another amazing--and shocking--thing is that he loves guacamole and salmon.

• I am currently restringing and restyling jewelry for my very first jewelry client.  It's my hope that this will be the start of something new for me, and that I can spend the rest of my life working for myself.  I've been thinking about going ahead and applying for a small business license, but I haven't settled on a name. 

There's more, but it will have to come at a later time.  Dishes and laundry call me.  I hope this short note finds you all happy and well.

Another little update, and then hopefully we'll get back to our regularly scheduled program of blogging.  Pictures of Thomas were requested, so here you go:

By request, I am posting the two limericks I recently turned in for my creative writing class.  These will, in time, be part of a larger collection of poems related to motherhood, containing both light and serious verse.  If you have any suggestions, please offer them.  I am not entirely happy with the second limerick.


Horsey Ride

The wisdom of doors with a lock
you gain when your little one knocks
     as he enters unbid
     to run fast to your bed,
and catches you riding on top.


Public Breastfeeding

Babies need boobies to grow;
Titties are not just for show.
     While you dress to get fucked,
     you tell me to wrap up.
You, bitch, should never throw stones.


There you have it.  I hope you got a chuckle or two.   I also hope to catch up with you all soon.  Much love!

LOLcats and LOLdogs?  Bor-ing.  Here for your LOLing pleasure, is LOLbaby!  All photos were taken by yours truly, Amarisa.

Let's start with a photo everyone has already seen, LOL-style:

At various times, and in various ways, I have made an arse of myself.  My arse-making most frequently occurs in social settings (like the time I made an unwitting faux pas by wearing red to a funeral), but one of the worst was when I managed to make an arse of myself in another language.

In the summer of 2005, I spent five weeks in Shanghai, PRC teaching English.  When I and my fellow teachers were not in the classroom or making lesson plans, we would hop in a taxi or on the subway to go exploring and shopping.  It was very exciting, traipsing all over the city, but eventually we got tired.  As luck would have it, we happened to discover one day that there was a salon just down the street from our dormitory that offered, in addition to normal salon services, hour-long foot massages on the cheap.  We agreed that that was exactly what we needed, so I, and two other young ladies, walked into the salon and told the staff, by flailing our arms about and pantomiming a massage (which ended up looking rather like kneading invisible dough), that we wanted foot massages.  We were led to a quiet back room, and three men presently came in, each carrying a tub of hot water.  Two of them were kind of old and not very good-looking, but the third was young and attractive, with muscular arms and sweet eyes.  Imagine my thrill when he sat in front of me and began undressing my feet.  And what happened after that--well, let's just say that I experienced an hour of non-stop pleasure at the hands of a handsome stranger.

Before I knew it, the hour was spent, and I had a tingly, warm feeling all over my body.  Ah, bliss.  I smiled and opened my eyes, and-wait!  He was getting up to go!  No!  He had to come back!  I began pleading to him in English, "Please, no.  Come back!  Don't go, please."  I clasped my hands together and implored him to stay.  I don't think that I was in my right mind.  I finally fell into Chinese--whether Mandarin or Shangainese, I'll never know--saying what I thought was "please."  I said "please" in Chinese over and over again.  He looked at me with a small smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes, but he left all the same.  The two older men chuckled and gave the young man amused and approving looks as they all walked out together.  With a sigh, I eventually gathered my things and left, as well. 

The following day, I recalled the event to one of our Chinese teacher's assistants, and when I told her what I said, she gasped, bringing her hands up to her face.  "Oh my, Rachel!"  Then she began laughing and said, "You were telling him 'kiss! kiss!'  Heheheheeee!!!"  She doubled over in laughter.  I groaned and put my palm to my forehead.  Ugh!  STUPID!  STUPID!  STUPID!  I was so embarrassed.  How could I have been such an arse??  And he was so cute!

Well, I eventually got over my embarrassment and went back to the same salon for another massage.  When the three men walked in with their tubs, he smiled at me and set his down at my feet.  He looked bashful, but pleased, as the three of them exchanged meaningful looks, and then set to work.